Looking up at the redwoods
We have had more than a week of very nice weather with a small rain shower in the middle. Last weekend we drove out to the coast in Marin County to look at the giant redwoods in Muir Woods and to dip our feet into the Pacific Ocean, without that pesky Bay in the way. We packed a day’s worth of water and milk (for Soren) and snacks and drove across the bridge. It was incredibly crowded. The weekend, the nice weather, and apparently a free day at the state parks all combined to create a massive traffic jam anywhere that was relatively pleasant, thus making it not pleasant. There was nowhere to park anywhere near Muir Woods. We skipped it and decided to go to the beach first. By the time we got to the beach, we’d been in the car for several hours and Soren fell asleep right when we got there. There was no parking at the beach, either. I dropped Justin and the twins and the sand toys off, and drove off to look for parking with a sleeping Soren.
Reading a sign at Muir Woods
There was no parking anywhere. I kept driving off the beach parking lot, up the hill, around the roads, coming back to the beach parking lot, circling around, and trying again. There was no roadside parking, no parking in other parking lots, and I couldn’t pull off the road anywhere. If I got far enough away, I lost cell phone reception and was worried that Justin would need me to come back and I wouldn’t be available. Meanwhile, Soren was still sleeping, I had my lunch waiting for me, and I was still driving around. After about an hour, on my 5th pass through the beach parking lot, I lucked into a spot as a car was pulling out. I stayed there and ate my sandwich as Soren napped. Everyone came back, sandy and frazzled after about two hours on the beach, and they changed clothes (I have a bin of spare clothes in the back) and we went back to the woods. After only one try, we found a parking spot.
Inside the trunk of a redwood
There was a lot of running and shrieking. Ronin is getting more and more frustrated with his activity restriction. He and Claire have been fighting more, and the noise level in this house has been increasing dramatically lately. They still play really nicely together, but there are times when I just want to tell them to stay in separate rooms because they can’t interact without hurting each other, each physically or emotionally. On their kindergarten paperwork, I asked that they be put in the same classroom, since they seemed like they could be a support to each other while each being independent enough to develop their own friendships and individual styles, but I have been wondering lately if that was the right decision, considering how often they have been at each others’ throats lately.
They can be so sweet to each other
It’s interesting how being a mother really changes one’s perspective. My sister and I fought a lot when we were growing up. At the time, I know it was distressing to my mom, but that was secondary to the need to deal with whatever my sister was doing to me. Now, as a mother, I can really see how painful it is to have children fighting. It’s hard just to have conflict around, in general, but it’s that much worse when it’s people you love hurting other people you love. We went to the rocket launch at Snow Ranch over the weekend and I pulled off the highway and put the entire car in time out until the screaming stopped. I would not go again until the car was quiet.
Justin thought that everyone was just feeling vulnerable and competing for attention, and we are so busy trying to deal with one crisis after another that it’s hard to give each one of them enough attention and affection, so we decided to try to spend all weekend lavishing them with attention and affection. At the rocket launch, each of us was constantly holding or hugging or cuddling one or two children, or going for a little hike with someone, or giving someone a pep talk, or holding a hand. We normally spend so much time saying “Don’t bite that!” and “Don’t touch that!” and “Don’t put your pee there!” and “Don’t lick that!” and “Don’t stick your hand in the rattlesnake hole!” and we were determined to change the ratio of imperatives and have more conversation and less alarm, and have them feel useful and interesting and not like they were doing something wrong all the time.
Playing peek-a-boo through some posts
Operation Attention felt really good, for all of us. Still, I can’t say it helped the screaming and the fighting. It was on the way home that I had to put the whole car in time out. We actually ate dinner in two separate restaurants because the children could not find any foods that they could agree on. It was a more peaceful dinner this way, but obviously not ideal. We’re still trying to pay more attention to each individual, and seize little moments for cuddling or for telling stories or for talking, and to make less of our daily actions about managing each little crisis that comes up. This has always been our goal, but it gets kind of lost in the daily shuffle sometimes, and even though we shouldn’t need a to-do list for our families, sometimes it helps just to think about the priorities again in real life situations.
Ronin, battling his activity restriction
